And then it rains

The consistent sunny weather seems too good to be true. Is this year special? You lose yourself in enjoying it, anticipating the best, creating numerous plans for the more sunny days to come. Why wouldn't you? You are bubbling with positivity and everywhere you can see is full of life.

And then it rains. It's not subtle. It consumes you at start. Completely. 
Just like that, with no warning, you have lost all the sunshine in a flash. The skies pour down - outside, and within. You're scouring both these skies for any single photon you could find. Is there maybe one? You close your eyes and desperately cling on to the leftover rays you could recall. It's taxing to do so. It starts to physically pain you. And then you drift away into sleep. 

It is still raining when you wake up. It starts to hail. You are livid. Is this anger towards the sun? How dare it just disappear at its peak brightness? Is this anger towards yourself? How come you didn't have any influence over the sun? 

Eventually it rains a little less. There are even instances of weak sun rays falling on your window. Is it your loved ones who are trying to send small packets of sunshine from their far away lands to help you get along? Is it you getting used to the new weather? Regardless of the reason, some normalcy creeps in. You get a little comfortable. There are still bursts of lightning every now and then. The lightning brings back all the misery. But it is short lived. You are feeling guilty now. All the hopes and anticipation and I am done with missing the sun already so soon? In this mix of emotions, some time passes by. You have fleeting memories of the sun, but the days go on.

And then it starts to rain. And once again, suddenly it floods your world. You  accept your new world, and the rain has changed you to fit this new world. 

Since hope is the currency of life, you still have a desire to see a rainbow somewhere far along in time. For now,  you sit on the balcony and your gaze alternates between the muddy mess in the ground, the clouds above, and the occasional patches of sky visible through them. 

The drizzle continues.

Dr. Parmar: Around the world, and back home

 2006.  12 year old me was looking intently at the slideshow Dr. Chiranjit Parmar was showing me on his computer from his very many foreign trips. A fruit scientist, he had worked and taught in several countries in all the continents of the world. 

How I know him:  He was the chief guest of a small event organised by the local library in Mandi. He was an eminent scientist in my home state. He had presented a small award to me for... the most visits to the library in the calendar year (lame, I know)! Since we lived few meters away from each other, he had invited me to his home afterwards, I was sitting in his study, listening intently to his stories. Additionally he gifted me a one year subscription to a Kids' Magazine, Balvihar, of which I still have very fond memories reading.

He surely had very many things to do, but he chose to inspire a young girl that day. I feel this was a very important experience for me. I have been around the world today for work, study, love and more and somehow I keep going back again and again to this afternoon as the point where the seed was sown - to experience the world. I carried on with my school, while staying connected to him. I looked up to him and wanted to be like him. Even this blog I have is an outcome of me reading his blogs on facebook, where he published short stories 'Around the world for fruits, friends and new experiences'. 

I went to college. On my bi-yearly visits home, I would visit him. He would always have some time to chit chat with me - listen to me worrying if I chose the right study course for myself, or in general how my studies are going. He would always give me his perspective which he gained through a wealth of professional and life experiences. I appreciated this wealth more and more as I got older, as a 12 year old I could not fully comprehend the depth of what he said to me, but I made sure I made a note of what he said in my small diary.The words were always oscillating in my mind and kept making more and more sense the more life I lived. As a bonus, I would always get great book recommendations whenever I visited him. So this visit once or twice a year was something I would always look forward to. 

So life went on and I set foot outside of what was familiar to me, but with open arms. Months and years passed, I kept an open mind and immersed myself in the new surroundings. I gladly shared my experiences with him, we both discussed our Europe travels. I even asked for his autograph on the travel memoir he published, like a little fan girl. I got inspired to do it myself one day.  

Further life went on and I learned that he had developed liver cancer. Through his brave fight through all this he had a very positive outlook. He would still update his blogs, with humorous tales about life and treatment. If the movie Anand, had been modelled after a real person, he would have come very close, I thought.

Fast Forward to October 2023. I went to his home to talk to him and give him an invitation for my wedding. He was bedridden and was in so much pain. It was very obvious that this would be our last interaction. I found it really hard to say something but I at least wanted to remind him what an impact he had on my life and the decisions I took. I tried my best to convey that. On finding out my to-be husband is a German man, he mentioned some sweet random sentences about his travels to Germany, before blessing me with all his heart. But I couldn't focus on anything. I had a lump the size of the Earth in my throat. 

I went back to Hamburg after my wedding. A couple of weeks later, I received the news of his passing away. I read what scores of people wrote on the internet for him. They were, like me, touched in their lives from his presence. I read all of this with tears flowing non-stop. I was regretting my last interaction with him. 'If only I could mentally prepare myself and have a better last conversation with him, instead of being choked in my throat'... but these thoughts were pointless now, I had to live with it like it was. 

It's been two months and I fleetingly think about him, how different my life would have been had the 'scientist uncle' had not invited me to his home 18 years ago. I don't know. 

But in those fleeting moments, I get emotional thinking, can I make something so good out of my life that I could play his role for some other little girl one day?

Thank you for bringing so much positivity into this world.

From one of our yearly meetings.