Reclusive- II

I had such a bad day today. But then I had the best day I've had in months today.

Since last week, I had been feeling a bit reclusive, cut off from everything else around me. I don’t get along well with people around me.  And I had been feeling pretty bad about it. Now I'm not saying that I need to be around a lot of people to be happy. What I'm saying is that I want at least a little bit of human interaction. At least one person who would raise an eyebrow if I use my shining silver again.  Because well, after all I'm a person! I can’t stay all by myself. I can’t always bear the burden of the things bothering me till it chokes me; I need to let it out at some point of time, and for THAT I need a person, I can’t talk to walls. And yesterday I had almost convinced myself that I have no purpose of living left. L I still remember all the things people told me before going to college. How different it will be, and how these years are going to make you, and how you will find ‘your people’ in college. Half of my college is done and I still haven’t found ‘my people’ yet. 

Maybe there aren't any of ‘my people' here.  The trouble is that after a certain amount of time, every person, EVERY person stops liking me any more. I haven’t yet figured out what’s wrong in my DNA to make that happen.

Today was February 14, by the way! (Happy Valentines’ Day  J ) I went out with few friends, had nice food and came back. All through the day I was feeling quit aloof.  I thought I would distract myself a little and go roam around a little, I might feel better. It was on the way that I met a friend. And I walked with her for some time. I can’t explain how happy I was to see her! When we got back to hostel we started talking. About our lives. About others’ lives. About everything on our minds. I got so emotional I cried also. (When I went back to room, I cried a lot again)

But the good thing is that after an hour, nearly, when our conversation ended, I felt so much lighter and so much happier. And then one good thing started happening after the other.  It was then that she took me to a restricted area (Secret place, don’t tell anyone :P ) It was dark so the stars were beautifully visible from there!! Generally you can't see so many stars here. (Why didn't I think of this way of going there? :O I'm too stupid!) I don’t know how much time we spent there. 20 minutes? Half an hour? But that was more than enough to completely deviate me from my sulky mode. We had a nice time (with the constant fear of someone spotting us, of course)

Now I don’t know what kind of coincidence you call it, but I saw another friend walking on the road outside my hostel from that place (!!!!!) And we talked like that for some time.. on our phones. It was like they show in movies. Him sitting on the side of the road, and us, erm… where we were :P . On our phones. Also, both explaining to each other how we’re both not supposed to be where we were at this time. (It was not too late but around 11:30 so, yes) It was so funny I finally laughed.  

I cannot thank these people enough for saving my day today. These two people actually bothered to give me their time when I needed it. Others just knew there was something wrong with me.Or maybe thought I was worrying without reason. 
(I agree with them too) I do NOT blame them. Everyone is busy with their lives and they should be. But it’s just that it felt good after a lot of time to talk my heart with someone. Otherwise I keep blabbering all day. It also felt good to cry a lot, till my eyes came out, after months. I will always remember the heart to heart I had with both of them today and they will never realize what it meant to me at this point of time. I love them a lot.

But you know what the moral of the story is? Such nice people won’t always be around me, to prevent me from using my shining silver and shed scores of millilitres of my blood.  So I need to come up with a solution for being so emotionally fragile, and letting small small things eat me away.

I hope to come up with a good plan A, B, C or something. And I hope to do it soon. 

Ummeed pe duniya qaayam hai.

P.S.  It’s not the case that everyone hates me. I do have a person I share the best friendship with here.  I don’t know how we became friends, and it doesn't matter. We have our brotherly-sisterly love (which I came to appreciate today only) and it’s such a relief to have him around. But the thing is that I don’t want him to hate me too like the other people after some time. So I don’t talk much with him these days so he would stay longer with me (Stupid, I know)

So the moral of the story: Not everyone hates me!!

P.P.S – Another reason of not talking to him is that, he is feeling too shy to tell me that he now has a girlfriend and poor guy has a misconception that I don’t know :P  I can’t imagine him being this much shy  :D But it’s okay. Your day will come soon. Get prepared for pitting. I know you like it …  but still!