Bro!

It so happened while talking to my little brother today on his birthday that I was wondering how old he is now? 12-13? When I performed a little calculation in my head and counted the years gone by since December 1999, I gasped a little realizing that the little boy is not so little any more!
Eighteen. I started to remember how I had felt when I had turned eighteen although it looked like a long time ago now. That time, 18 felt big, while now even 24 feels small. I was so busy growing old so fast that I didn't pay attention that my loving brother was growing up so fast.

It's quite hard to imagine how time has flown so fast and he has grown into a 6-feet person. Whenever I hear "brother" my mind instantly switches to the picture of the little fat lump that my parents brought home one fine day. He had eyes so big and belly so round and fingers so tiny I could cry. I marvelled at the little creature in awe. I remember asking my parents, "Is it ours?" and them smiling back oh so lovingly.

He has grown through the time of pushing me around the house in my shiny bicycle to driving me to temples on the top of small hills now. He has been a very crucial part of my childhood, a subject to my experiments, the bearer of my atrocities as the tyrannous elder sister. (Maar pitaai, kharoche etc). I had also convinced him that he was not a part of our family and was dropped at our door in a basket by aliens.

In the last many years, I have never heard him say anything good about me. Still, he has always always ALWAYS made me happy whenever I had a tear in my eye (Even if some of the times, he was the reason). Being his sister has developed me as well over the years and a good part of my qualities has developed while performing this role.

I had such an overwhelming feeling of affection and lots to express that it tangled up and I ran out of things to tell him and that's when my awesome friends came to my rescue and gave me some words. Golden words from some fine men that I have known.
On this note, I'm leaving some of the shimmer of the gold mentioned above for you to read as well in case it makes you feel good or smile. They range from "Don't get into relationships" to "Learn from your sister" (Extra points to you man!)

Here is your "Virtual Card" Birthday boy. The one you won't be able to lose out of carelessness :P

Troy Bolton: It's never late for a change. Looking back always helps to introspect. I will say these words to myself if I can go back in time

Coolie Coolerson: 😎 Well my lesson to him would be "Don't get into any serious relationships, keep it cool"  (He obviously means tell your sister everything :P )

Genny Gennerson: Hello young friend. Welcome to the Just-Hatched-Into-Adulthood club! I know this birthday seems to be worth a lot more celebration, because, you know, the "18+ factor" and the complementary "will to fly into your freedom" perk. But on a more realistic note, I hope this birthday not just brings you lots of celebrations and memories but also a sense of responsibility, maturity, accountability and discipline. All for the betterment of yourself and your family. Make your efforts count. The end of the school days marks the exposure to a big, 'DIY' world where despite the so-desired freedom, the only person who can do good for yourself is you! The closest example of a good blend of all these virtues is your sister herself. (Blushing) Aside the mutual teasing and bullying, try learning a thing or two from her.😋 She can fluidly teach a bunch of coarse villagers, so you can be sure to receive the best if you're at her receiving end! 😇I guess that's enough of the "gyan" from my side! Wish you a good day with joy and togetherness! Happy birthday🎂

Draco Malfoy: Accept no one's definition of your life..! Define yourself..!

Gunther CentralPerk: Live in the present.. Travel a lot.. Make new friends.. Don't care about what others think of you

Shatabdi Express: I'm not a learned man but just sharing what I got to know(may be right may be wrong) Happy each and every day. Enjoy not only your b'day but each and every day of your life. The only day your problems will end is when you die. Don't worry about them. Never stop learning till the end moment of your life.

Ben Geller: Choose a good adviser, the who just tells you what you want without adding his/her opinion in it. He/ she will guide you to success. Trust me.
Listen to everyone's opinion, but do just what you want to.

Now you are 18th..so here's some word from Latey Laterson -
" Be passionate about what ever you do.. give your 100% always and have the child inside you alive always, there's less fun actually being grown up😛.. Care for the ones who care about you and whatever situation might come in life, always carry a smile
with you bcz ups and down are part of life but smiling in ups and downs is art of life...."
So take care, enjoy your birthday and have a great year ahead.

The Last Act

"This had to happen sooner or later, you should have been prepared." she said to herself as she wiped away a solitary tear drop sliding across her left cheek.
Today. After all this time, it happened that the will power gave up and the lingering fire finally famished, devoid of anything to feed upon now.

Now that she's having it, she despised this feeling absolutely. Yet it came with a satisfying tinge of its own. Satisfying because knowing that this is the finale. It all ends here.
Why is it satisfying, when it's wrenching your heart completely, you may ask.
You are secretly wishing for something to happen, with all your intention: Something which may, or may not happen. Knowing that it is never going to happen can be a blow in the beginning. But it gives you the permission to abandon all your desire for that thing, and get along with the pace of life, and leave the flowers of false hope to rot.
It is official now that the doors have been sealed by fate and it's time to move ahead and look around, there is nothing for you here now.

Now this is something unusual to hear from an obstinate person like me. Even I didn't expect this. But what can we say. It took way too much time for me to realize.
The time has come. The act is over. The heart and mind had to accept it now. They did. It's time to think of a beautiful life, without this false dream now.
You must have felt this kind of feeling at least once in your life, which is a perfect balance of agonising pain and enervating sadness.

And that, my friend (as Rachel says it) is what we call c.l.o.s.u.r.e.

Fare thee well, dream unfulfilled.

13 Reasons Why..

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, witches and wizards, you are about to read the last blog I post from NIFTEM's awesome internet facility.
Yes, this is finally happening. Today is my last night in this college as its student. I have been having mixed feelings for the past 6 months, but after yesterday's mass extinction of my batch, there's just pure sadness. No no no I'm not a gloomy kind of person. But as John Green says, some pains demand to be felt. It is also necessary to feel the heat of tears when it is required.

I am not too good at controlling emotions. It has been very tough for me to part ways with a bunch of people who had become a part of my family.
I know it's not the end. I know it's a small world. I know we will meet again. But I am human only. Bound to feel things. There is a reason and purpose these feelings emerge and I don't see anything bad in it.

All said and done, this post is not at all about me. Or my college experiences. It's too boring and who would want to read too much about a person?
Rather, this is about  all the people I met here who touched my life. Quoting my friend, these people have taught me more than the curriculum could. So this post is all about the people I love. Since I am short of time, and need to pack and go house hunting, I am going to keep it in bullet points. Please identify yourselves. No order is followed, everything is random including the pictures.
Hence the name:- 13 Reasons Why leaving NIFTEM is hard.

• 3 idiots:

I cannot write about them separately, as we consider us three as a single unit. I could write an entire book about them. But I won't. Since the beginning of time, I had always wanted to be a part of an exclusive group, have my "gang"
Not only did I find my "gang", it also got named as 3 Idiots by our professor. They carry two-thirds of me wherever they go. My openness with them changed from 30% to 100% in a matter of months.
The most accelerated response ever.

• The Poetic Heart

He who has been caring like a parent at times. I can always turn to him for completely honest advice.
He's ready to help without a second thought. So much that he is ready to spend his birthday house-hunting with me. We have a secret blog together. Some day it shall see the light of the day. I have had uncountable skype dancing sessions with this person. He has been the unbeatable person in wishing me for birthday before anyone else since November 28, 2013
He has made me start my tradition of giving surprise visits to home :D

• Flash

He is the person you see only glimpses of, vanishes like flash. However, our bond remains the same regardless of how much we talk. First two years have been very beautiful with him. He is also the person who irritates me the most. But I like getting irritated by him.
He always mystically appears only when I am low and gloomy and flips it, and then disappears again.

• Girl group

Being the misogynist that I am, it is hard to imagine me being the part of a girl group, but I had few girls I could gossip with at times, do mawkish girlish things with.
Hug bear-
You probably know the feeling you get at the end of the day when you're tired,  or angry, or hungry and you just long for to bone-crushingly hugging someone. I have a friend I do that to a lot of times. Reason or no reason, I simply like to cling to her stomach. She has been there since the start (plus or minus a fight or two :P ) She has the homely feeling in her.
Pleasant Talker-
She has been a pleasant person to be around. Most importantly, she has taught me topics of a subject a day before the exams. She gives sensible advise. She is the person I love watching Shakira the most with.
The girl with endless stories-
Another buddy, we have been inseparable for an entire year. Time and circumstances changed us, but somehow the hearts still remained connected through all these years. This girl had lots of stories to tell and I totally loved listening to each and every one of them. She was the girl I saw the first movie in my college with, which was Dil toh Pagal Hai, by the way.
Miss Fairy Dust-
Then there's another who has been a new acquaintance, but is a very talented and positive person, spreading fun sparkle wherever she walks.
I have enjoyed cribbing about people and things the most with them.

• Incessant Talker

Here is a person who can talk endlessly about anything, and I mean ANYTHING.
Soft-hearted and extremely ticklish, this guy will be missed.

• The illegitimate ex

There are no ex, y or z about this person. Unlike these variables, he has been a constant since first year. Been my partner in embarrassing dance on stage, we have a pact of marrying each other if both of us are single by the time we are 35! Kind of like Monica and Chandler.

• Chhote Meow

A handful of juniors who have been so loving all this time. Well, since I'll be working near my college I can see them a lot. I love the "elder sister" feeling. Loved being with each of them, whether it is Himachal Trips, VAP outings, or celebrating little little happiness together.

• Bade Meow :P

These people ceased to be a part of the college an year ago, but had the most significant effect on my learning curve. Each of them has given me wonderful life lessons and free-flowing love. We had less time together. But what can we say, time together is just never quite enough! I saw myself change the most during the time I was with them.

• Kaem cho Buddies

A girl who appears mostly when my day is not good and never fails to make me happy, and who gently strokes my head like a puppy because I like it a lot.
And another guy  whom I misjudged a lot of times, but is quite good at heart. In the end I feel guilty for hating him so much in the beginning. Please don't hate me too. I am not that bad :D
Both of them have been sukh-dukh ke saathi for 4 months.

• The Red Velvet Ladoo Makers

This group is the BEST example of the situation where six bright minds come together, and still nothing gets done :P
Jokes apart, had fun each and every of the five days we worked for our semester project. :P I think all of us are going to cook Ragi Ladoo for our kids some day or the other.

• 17th October 2014

This is another adorably irritating and fun person I have had in my life. Enjoyed the limited time spent with him, he has grown to be a dear friend. Fro Ganesh Chowkdi, to Rawalwas, to Sending ugly voice messages before exams, he has always been there. Golden at heart, though sometimes not so golden in words :P
I have written an entire blog about him :P

• Gem 

She is the gem in my life because the love that she offers me is unconditional. I love her. My brother loves her. My whole family loves her. She's that good. She is brutally honest most of the times, which can sometimes put her as rude to people. But this is the quality about her that I admire the most.
She never says anything just because! We both love the same people and our hatred is concentrated on the same kinds of people.

• The perfect girl

She is the one I have interacted the least with out of all these. despite going on 2 trips together. But she personified the image of the perfect girl I had in mind. The qualities I like in her are many. She's a no-drama, no-nonsense girl, an avid reader, a good person at heart. Stays cool in tough times, unlike me. There's so much I have secretly learned from her while secretly admiring her.

• The longest live-in partner

Before getting the luxury called the single room, we used to have room partners, She is the non-family person I have lived the longest with. I really think I couldn't have lived with anyone else. Seeing her on the first day of college, my mother had a sigh of relief. My buddhu ladki is going to live with a nice girl. There are many things that my mother wanted me to learn from her. But I was too lazy to do it.

The night is young and so are we
Time to pack bags, it's almost three
Here are few photos, going to update more soon as I am short of photos and time right now.:D

I am going to miss your presence a lot. But this post is being written by a girl who is going to shamelessly prick you all for the rest of your lives. So yeeehaw:P
This is Agent Tikki FINALLY signing off. Keep the love going.
Ending one more post with Mohammad Rafi:

Ehsaan mere dil pe tumhara hai doston,
Yeh dil tumhaare pyaar ka maara hai doston! :')

O Children (Interpretation) - Harry Potter

If you have seen Harry Potter, and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, you will definitely remember the scene where Harry and Hermione dance to O Children by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. If you haven't heard it, you can play it here while reading the rest of this post! :)

The song is intense and makes you sway to the rhythm. This was a powerful scene depicting that the bond they shared wouldn't allow either of them to break even in this plight.

So what happened today is I came across this song and since I found the lyrics very intriguing. Now let us see how it relates to the war in the movie. First of all, the lyrics are from the point of view of the adults: adults who failed to protect their children from the war and its horrible consequences. It's the same in Harry Potter, the adults have failed to protect the younger generation from Voldemort and in the end they are the ones who have to fight something beyond them (it started before they were even born and is so much more powerful). Plus, the adults in this song apologize for failing at protecting them, addressing themselves directly to the children. In the movie, the children (Harry and Hermione (yes they are children, remember they are only 17)) heard the song on the radio, so it's like the adults were talking to them through it.
More than just an apology, the lyrics also encourage the children to 'rejoice' and 'lift up their voice'. There is still hope in the children, even when the adults have failed. This is the case in the movie : adults couldn't destroy Voldemort, their children did. Harry, Hermione and their team were the last hope of the wizardry world.
At the end of the song, it talks about deportation (Hey, little train, we're jumping on. The train that goes to The Kingdom), however they don't seem to lead people to their death but to a certain happiness and freedom, which is weird at first, but then, remember the adults are talking to the children : they give them an illusion because even though they cannot save them, but they can try to keep them happy and hopeful. (I'm hanging in there, don't you see in this process of elimination)
In the movie, during this scene, Hermione is heartbroken and Harry is also pretty sad, but they dance, in a way escape the reality of the war around them and their friend leaving to find some comfort and end up smiling. The adults are lulling them into an illusion to make them feel better (both in the song and in the movie (if you replace the adults by the radio)). However, the illusion doesn't last forever and when the song stops, they are back to reality and it's still horrible and sad. That's why Hermione stops smiling pretty fast, because she is back to reality. The illusion didn't make the war disappear.

The song in itself is pessimist: they can't do anything to avoid what's happening to them, and that's exactly the same in the movie. Adults can't save them, they can just send them a moment of peace, but in the end the children are truly alone and without any help. Just like the situation of Harry, Ron and Hermione during the entire movie. It just perfectly fits and completely emphasizes what they are feeling in this moment.
Having heard it earlier paying lesser attention, I had never realized how appropriate this song was for this moment. This song is very sophisticated and soulful. What do you think?!

The Gift

It was nearly mid-February now. The evenings were pleasant and the nights were not so chilly anymore. The big quilt had made way for the thinner blanket. Waking up early was back on track (almost). So, the winter gloominess was about to end. Or was it?

Coming back to the room was the most unexciting part of the day. To clear any confusion, she didn't have much exciting life outside of her room, either. But this tiny room and the empty hall was just a reminder of emptiness, which otherwise she didn’t feel because there are lots of things to distract her, when she’s outside. 

Days were just going by and she had started becoming more taciturn than ever to the extent that it had started feeling uneasy.

Tossing her bag to the table, she slowly removed her jacket, and lay down on the bed, thinking what to think now. Unable to find a comfortable position, she turned to her left and something in the corner of the room caught her eye. It was glimmering. 
She got up from the bed, and picked it up. 
"How long has it been there?" 
"Why didn't I notice it before"
"Who kept it?!"
She carefully observed the box, on it, stuck a small card saying, 'Happy New Year'
Well, there was only one way of satiating her curiosity.
Confused, she opened it with anticipation.

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear student, 

Here's a gift of agonizing loneliness for an undefined time. It is going to be harrowing for you in due course of time. You may either transform how I want you to, or it may aggravate your situation and make you worse than you are now.  The odds are equal.

It is a gamble. Only time will tell. 

Love,

Life 🌹

Closing the box, she wondered, how can loneliness be a gift?! It was very unsettling.
Keeping the box on the corner of her table, she lay down on her bed again thinking, what to think now again!
(to be continued)

                                                                               

PS Few hours organizing the files on my computer, and BAMM!

I found something.

In the process of sorting files, I found this draft I had written a long time ago which made me realize that even though this blog is going to be 6 years old in a few days, I haven't changed much since I started it. February is my gloomy time after all.
It is intriguing that I was feeling the same some Februaries ago as I am now. 

All smiles! :D

So it’s your regular Sunday afternoon and I was back from the Sunday class.
It had been quite an inactive week.
The usual: Less talking, more sleeping, feeling guilty for not talking and sleeping more.
Today’s day was particularly sad L Amidst the less niceness and more rudeness I faced today, the only thing I started craving for after unlocking my door, slamming it behind me after coming back was: to see a beautiful smile.
And the search began. 

Smile! I need to see someone smile! 
Where can I find a beautiful smile?
DAMN! All the doors in my corridor are locked!
Let me explore foreign territory (Other floors) ..
“Hey! How are.. ”
“Oh Hi! I’m glad you came! You know this thing happened yesterday and it led to this thing today and then….”
“Yaar I’m bored”
“Hello Tikkis! What’s up”
I got very interesting discussions on topics from GATE to interviews to GRE to things happening within the campus (final semester, what can you say!). But didn’t get any smile. I guess my timing was wrong. L
So with heavy head hanging down, I came back and lay down and tried to remember all the smiles I had ever seen. Fortunately I recalled few smiles that I liked to remember. I could count them on my fingers. A true, genuine smile has more healing power than we think. We'll see what it does to you in some time.

When life gifts me days filled with abject misery or I’m feeling hopeless or downtrodden, I don’t require a consoling discussion dripping with pragmatism and logic right away. Being a petulant person, I can guarantee you my mind would wander on its own journey after some three minutes. If you dare continue, I might ruin your day as well!
What I’m trying to say is that the mind is not receptive for logic just for the moment. So however correct the other person might be, their efforts are futile. I would be able to properly understand and work upon the suggestions given to me once I get composed and the mind is placated.
And for that, we don’t need to bother with any lengthy procedures, when just a simple genuine smile would do! I am amenable to that extent that a nakli wala ‘It’s going to be all right’ is an added bonus! J

Coming back to the main point! I would like to describe the most beautiful smile like Joey describes the best sandwich which he could take a bullet for, in F.R.I.E.N.D.S 

So imagine a day when you are at your lowest. One of those days that come once maybe in two months. You have had a rough day, none of your jobs have been done properly and in the evening you are there sitting like a fat lump (or in cases like me, a twig! :P ), sulking, brooding, annoyed by everything coming in your way.

May be your day started off badly and by the time of the sunset, you are infuriated! The mind is occupied and an ugly frown adorns your face. You take quick steps, you are stomping your way till the home and you're determined to rant it out on the next person you see. 

You press the doorbell three times quickly. No one responds for 10 seconds. You do it a couple of times more.

THE DOOR OPENS

And before you say something, the face of the person lights up on seeing you back home. And the smile is so beautiful that it goes right through you. It somehow seizes the permission to remain angry anymore. It makes your insides tingle. And flowers start blossoming inside you like they showed in the advertisement of Strepsils. The volcano, which was on the verge of bursting now quickly becomes dormant. Your breathing slows down, the mercury dips, and as you enter your home, you forget 80% of the reason of your earlier state of vexation and the rest 20% becomes insignificant as the monster deflates slowly. All the irritation, anger was self-created. Why was I angry, again? It's not required anymore. You have found better things to do now!
All the endorphins have been released, the bad mood is gone. At least two hours of being grumpy are saved, you lips are stretched and the eyes are sparkling.

This kind of thing that I was craving for today. 

Isn't it amazing that eyes can convey better and a simple genuine smile can heal quicker and better than hackneyed statements!

The simple joys in life are so inexpensive and therefore should be abundantly scattered yet somehow I found so much difficulty in finding one today.

Anyway the grumpiness ended today when they announced, "A monkey has come inside the hostel. Please get inside the rooms" and the mood flipped instantly.
Blahaha! What is the poor guy doing here?!

So we now come to the end of what I had in mind.

I'm not very sure if I conveyed what I had in mind properly so that you construe it in the way I intended to, but  I'll be sad if this long blog post didn't make you smile even once.
So, here are twins who are happy for the fact that this long post is over now! :D
Tada! 

What Does Your Home Say?

Hearing the word home can bring up different thoughts in different people: Typically, the feeling of comfort and security and delicious homemade food, and family love :)
When I come to think about it, a home is a place where I am always welcome and always wanted and always missed. Home has all the strings which pull back a person tired from the daily ordeals one might have to face. But most of all, it is something I feel, like I can "feel home" with certain people at any place and time.

If you are wondering what prompted me to write this, it was being all emotional while coming to college this time about having lived the last day at the house where I grew up. (Assuming I won't visit before the semester ends, which has a probability of 0.99) We would have moved by then!
Now, the place where anyone spends a significant part of their childhood is obviously dear to them. Because it is only during this time that we can call it unsparingly ours.
This home has seen our first steps, our first fall, our first words, also our first bashing 😕,  our childhood games, fractures, 90s style lovely birthday parties organized by our awesome parents, the first bunch of friends that we made, sleepless nights of the mother when we got sick (it still happens in case of sickness or travelling at night in spite of being miles away), the heart beating uncontrollably on seeing papa's angry face on coming home late for the first time, having cousins over for summer vacations, sibling fights- slaps and punches and tickle wars and scars and scratches yada yada yada yada. 😁
After that, for most people is the phase of wandering, work, or study. Basically trying to relish the moments when we are able to find our way back.
It so happened that while relishing the final moments at the place, a potpourri of emotions welled me up!
I had seen the view around change from 1998 to 2017 and wanted to fix the entire place in my mind like a picture- just as it was.
Mountains on all 4 sides, one side snow clad most of the time,
This place, that wall, this door, that tree, seen two forest fires veryyyy close to the house.

• The wall - where I used to compare my height all throughout my school years. I didn't grow much after 9th standard.
• The staircase- from where I threw my toddler brother and he got his chin cut.
• The aangan- where I was having breakfast in the winter  dhoop when a monkey came and snatched my parantha from my hand and left me in shock.
• The wall- where I banged my brother's head so hard that he is dented for life.
• The room- where we siblings made tents and spent time like adventurers 😉
• The bed- which was nearly burned by sleeping with the heater on.
• The mango tree- which was the center of many of our games in childhood. It's quite an old tree, it still bears fruit :)
• The kitchen- which has witnessed many of me and my brother's experiments.
• The particular spot- where I had seen my one-day old brother for the first time. (First reaction- Is it ours? Chhota kaka? 😳😭😭😭)
• The window- sitting at which we used to wait for our mother to get back from work.
• The edge- holding which my brother stood up for the first time.

Like these, looking at each and every corner, each of them had its own story to tell.
I could never outgrow this place.Wherever I live in the future, I am sure of what picture will come into my head while talking of home 😶
So this was the story of a tearful farewell to a place occupying 18 years worth of my heart's space- which is now safely closed and locked. In the end realizing that the home speaks a lot, maybe equivalent to an encyclopedia, if one can read it properly.
I'll miss the place, I'll miss the faces.
You can't erase, you can't replace it!

I'll try to edit it later to add pictures to compare. The internet is acting up at the moment!

What is your idea of home? (You can drop by in the comments to add :) )

So shall we end this without a song? 

Absolutely not! As Hannah Montana says: 

When the lights go down, it's the ending of the show.
And you're feeling like you got nowhere to go.
Don't you know?
You can change your hair and you can change your clothes.
You can change your mind, that's just the way it goes.
You can say goodbye and you can say hello.
But you'll always find your way back home! 💖